This is a space for women who’ve left unhealthy relationships and know they don’t want to repeat the cycle. It’s a place to understand what’s shaped your patterns in love, so you can choose healthy love from clarity, not survival.

This isn’t another place where I’m going to tell you to raise your standards or just love yourself more.

Maybe the relationship ended years ago, and you’ve tried to understand what happened. You’ve read the books, listened to podcasts, journaled, reflected. Maybe you’ve gone to therapy and worked on yourself. You know what you won’t tolerate anymore. Now you’re more careful about who you let into your life.

And still, there may be things about love that don’t completely make sense.

Maybe now you don’t always trust what you feel. You wonder whether something is actually off or whether your past is talking.

That’s the conversation we’re having inside Soulful Rise.

There’s so much happening beneath the surface of our experiences in love. What we learned about closeness, what our bodies learned to recognize as safe, the wounds and needs we carry with us, the ways we learned to protect ourselves, and the conditioning we’ve accumulated about who we’re supposed to be and how we’re supposed to love.

And underneath all of that is you.

The woman underneath everything she learned she had to do to survive, belong, stay connected, or keep herself safe. That’s what I want to help you understand here.

Why I created Soulful Rise

It started with my own life and a lot of questions I couldn’t answer. I’ve had unhealthy relationships. I’ve known what it feels like to leave one and promise myself I would never end up there again, only to realize that knowing what I didn’t want wasn’t the same as understanding what had shaped the choices I was making in love.

Over time, trying to understand my own experiences became something much bigger. I started noticing how my relationships, emotions, body, and past experiences were connected. I became interested in what happens when we stop treating each struggle as a separate problem and start looking at the whole picture.

I’m still a student of this work and of myself. That will never end. What I share here comes from what I’ve lived, what I’ve learned, and what I’ve come to understand along the way.

I’m not here because I have relationships perfectly figured out. Nobody does.

I’m here because making sense of my own relationships changed the way I live and love, and I want other women to have access to that kind of understanding too.

What we’ll explore here

We’ll explore attachment and what your experiences may have taught you about love, closeness, and connection. We’ll talk about the nervous system and the ways your body learned to protect you. We’ll look at core wounds and unmet needs, the conditioning you’ve picked up along the way, and the patterns that can grow around all of it.

And we’ll also explore who you are underneath all of that.

I don’t believe one framework explains a human being.

I believe the pieces can help us see the whole woman more clearly. And that’s really what Soulful Rise is about.

Understanding yourself deeply enough that you can begin recognizing the difference between an old protection and a present truth. Between what feels familiar and what is actually right for you. Between the voice of conditioning and your own inner knowing.

Not so you can get everything right in love. So you can become more able to trust yourself inside it.

If you’re new here, begin with Break the Cycle

Before you read everything else I’ve written, I’d start here.

Break the Cycle is a free five-part audio series. I created to help you understand why these patterns can continue even after you’ve left the relationships and done a lot of work on yourself.

The episodes are short and build on one another, so I recommend starting at the beginning and listening in order.

→ Start with Episode 1: Why It Keeps Happening

And if you find yourself thinking, Oh. That explains something I haven’t been able to put into words…

You’re in the right place.

I’m so glad you’re here.

🤍Misty

This is where we start making sense of it.

👉 Next: Episode 2

👉 Next: Episode 3

👉 Next: Episode 4

👉 Next: Episode 5

For a long time, I had one question that kept coming up...

Why did I keep going back?

Not while I was in an unhealthy relationship, but after. When I finally had some distance and things got quiet, that’s when it would be the loudest.

For the longest time, I felt dumb. I felt like I had wasted years. I kept asking myself how I could have let someone treat me that way, over and over again.

There was a lot of guilt and shame that came with it.

What I didn’t have then was an answer that actually helped. Not “you deserve better” or “you just need to love yourself more.” Something that made real sense of why a smart, aware woman keeps ending up in the same place.

What changed everything for me wasn’t a better answer to that question. It was a different question entirely.

Not, why did I keep going back?

But, why did going back make sense at the time?

Because there is a reason, there is always a reason. And it has nothing to do with being weak, dumb, or bad at relationships.

When we grow up in environments with a lot of unpredictability, and that can look like so many things, tension you could feel, but no one talked about, a parent who ran hot and cold, a home where calm was rare, our nervous system learns to read that environment. It learns what to expect. And over time, that charged energy starts to feel normal.

The unpredictability doesn’t always have to be dramatic. Sometimes it’s just our parents or caregivers bringing the stress of everyday life back through the door. Work, finances, their own unresolved pain. And without even realizing it, that energy shapes what feels normal to us.

And here’s the part that changed everything for me.

So when you find yourself in a relationship with that same push-and-pull energy, that intensity, that “I never quite know where I stand” feeling, part of you recognizes it.

Not in your mind. In your body.

And that recognition can feel like chemistry, connection, or even love. Like a pull you can’t explain and can’t logic your way out of.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system may be responding in ways that once helped you feel connected, safe, or less alone.

And when I started understanding this, the thing that shifted first wasn't my patterns. It was my compassion for myself. I stopped asking what was wrong with me and started understanding why I responded the way I did, given what I'd been through. It gave me the peace I needed to forgive myself.

And patterns that were learned in relationships can also begin to heal in safe relationships, including the relationship you build with yourself.

That was the beginning of everything for me.

I think that’s where it starts for most of us. Not with a big decision or a breakthrough moment. But with one question.

What if there’s nothing wrong with me? What if this has just been making a different kind of sense?

If this resonated, I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment

And if you're ready to start making sense of your own patterns, gently and without blame, The Attraction Reset is there when you're ready.

The Attraction Reset

I remember the moment it stopped feeling like a coincidence. I was looking back at a few relationships that had the most impact on me, really sitting with them, and I noticed a common denominator. The circumstances were different every time. Different situations, different reasons it fell apart. But the unsettled feeling inside them was almost identical. The same way I'd be so easygoing instead of voicing what I wanted. The same moment where I'd realize, again, that something was off, and I had already been feeling it for a while. It was a pattern. And patterns don't just happen to you. They come from somewhere.

Your nervous system was learning what love feels like long before you could put words to it. Mine was too. And what it learned wasn't what love is supposed to feel like. It was what love actually felt like in your house. In your first heartbreak. In the relationships that shaped you the most. Tension before someone walks through the door. The relief when they're finally in a good mood. The anxious watching to figure out which version of them you're going to get today. Your nervous system took all of that in and filed it under "this is what love is." Because that's what nervous systems do. They learn. They adapt. They get really, really good at surviving the environment they're in.

So when you grew up and started choosing partners, your body wasn't choosing based on what you consciously wanted. It was choosing based on what felt familiar. And familiar doesn't always mean comfortable. It just means known. There's a difference.

Familiar can feel like electricity, like chemistry, like "this person just gets me in a way no one else does." It can feel like coming home, even when the home you're returning to was never actually safe. Your body recognizes the pattern, and it lights up, because it knows how to navigate this. It knows that familiar dance. And something in you relaxes into that, even when your mind is saying, wait, something feels off here.

That's why healthy partners can sometimes feel boring. Not because they are boring. But because your nervous system doesn't have a map for what they're offering. There's no familiar tension to track, no anxious watching to do, and no relief to chase. The calm feels like nothing is happening. And when you've spent years wired for intensity, calm can genuinely feel like disinterest and like something must be missing. So you pull back. You find small reasons it won't work. And eventually you just stop feeling it altogether.

And so you found your way back to familiar. Because familiar, even when it hurt, at least made sense to your body. Your body was never trying to hurt you. It’s actually the total opposite. Because your body loves you so much, it was moving toward what it already knew how to handle and what felt survivable.

Here's what shifts when you understand this. You stop blaming yourself for the pattern. You stop asking "what is wrong with me" and you start asking "what did my nervous system learn, and where did it learn it." That's a completely different question. One makes you the problem. The other makes you someone who is finally getting to understand herself with compassion. And understanding yourself is the only thing that actually changes the pattern. Not by just trying harder. But by finally understanding what's been running underneath all of it.

The relationships weren't random. They were mirrors. And when you start seeing your relationships as mirrors instead of mistakes, you stop trying to figure out what went wrong, and you start getting genuinely curious about what they were reflecting back to you. Because every single one of them was showing you something real. What your nervous system believes love is supposed to feel like. Where you felt at home, even when home wasn't safe. What your body was still trying to work out.

And now, instead of being ashamed of what you see in that mirror, you get to look at it differently. You get to look at it and say, “Oh. That makes sense. That makes complete sense given what I learned.” That's not a painful thing to look at once you know how to look at it. It actually becomes one of the most useful things you can do. Because patterns can change when you understand where they came from. And now you get to decide what comes next.

If you want a simple place to start with this, the Break the Cycle audio workshop walks through what survival mode looks like in relationships, why the pattern keeps showing up, and how to begin understanding it from the inside.

Start Here: Break the Cycle

What if the version of you who stayed too long, tried too hard, and gave too much wasn’t weak?

What if she was actually incredibly good at surviving?

I didn’t understand that for a long time. I thought something was wrong with me. I kept looking at my patterns and wondering why I kept ending up in the same place, with the same kind of dynamic, feeling the same way I swore I’d never feel again. And the truth is, I didn’t even know I was in survival mode. It didn’t feel like survival. It felt like love. It felt like trying. It felt like being a good partner and working hard at something that mattered to me.

That’s the thing nobody tells you. Survival mode doesn’t feel like survival when you’re in it. It feels normal. It feels like just how you are.

For me, it looked like being really attuned to other people’s moods. Like I could walk into a room and know instantly what energy I was walking into. I thought that was just being perceptive. I thought that was a good quality. I didn’t realize I had spent years training myself to read the room because it wasn’t always safe not to. I didn’t realize that what I called being intuitive was actually my nervous system doing what it learned to do to keep me okay.

It also looked like silencing my voice and not making things a bigger deal than they needed to be. Telling myself I was being too sensitive, too much, too picky. I bypassed what I felt a lot because moving forward felt easier. Binge-watching TV felt easier than sitting with something uncomfortable. And I was good at it. I had gotten really, really good at it.

If any of that sounds familiar, I want you to know you weren’t failing at love. You were surviving it. And your nervous system, the part of you that learned to stay alert, to scan, to adapt, it was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. It was protecting you.

The problem is that protection doesn’t just turn off when the relationship ends. You leave, but your body doesn’t know that yet. It’s still watching. Still waiting. Still bracing a little, even when things are okay.

That’s why you can do all the healing work and still feel like something hasn’t shifted. That’s why you can know something is over and still feel it in your stomach when something reminds you of it. That’s why calm can feel unsettling, and intensity can feel like connection, even when you know better. It’s not because you haven’t healed enough. It’s because understanding something in your mind and your body actually feeling safe are two very different things.

I spent a long time thinking that if I could just figure out the right thing to do, the right mindset, that something would click. And some things did click. But the deeper shift didn’t happen until I started paying attention to what was happening in my body, not just in my head. Until I stopped bypassing what I felt and actually let myself feel it, even when it was uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. See, that energy needs somewhere to go. It doesn’t just dissolve because you’ve decided to move on.

So if you’re reading this and you feel like you’ve done the work and you’re still stuck, I don’t think you’re broken. I think you’re exactly where I was. You understand a lot. You’ve grown a lot. And there’s a layer underneath all of that that hasn’t been reached yet, the part that lives in your body, not your thoughts. That’s not a problem. That’s just where the next part of the work is.

You don’t need to change who you are. You just need to understand yourself at a deeper level than most people ever get to. And honestly, the fact that you’re still asking why, still curious, still looking, that’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. That’s a sign that you’re not willing to settle for a version of yourself that’s still running on survival.

Neither was I. And it changed everything.

If this is speaking to you and you want a simple place to start, the Break the Cycle audio workshop walks through exactly this: what survival mode looks like in the body, why the patterns keep repeating, and how to begin shifting it from the inside. It’s not about doing more. It’s about finally understanding what’s been happening beneath the surface.

I'm Ready to Break the Cycle

Sometimes, when you start expanding your life or stepping into something new (like writing here on Substack), you realize something becomes unavoidable.

You have to use your voice. Share your thoughts, your story, what you really feel. You have to put yourself out there in ways that feel vulnerable. And when you start doing that, a lot of emotions come up.

Recently, I watched the animated feature KPop Demon Hunters on Netflix. For anyone who hasn’t seen it, it follows a K-pop girl group called HUNTR/X who live a double life. On stage they’re global superstars, and off stage they’re demon hunters protecting their fans from supernatural threats. The group’s leader, Rumi, carries a secret she’s terrified of. She’s part demon herself. It won the 2026 Academy Award for Best Animated Feature, along with Best Original Song for “Golden.”

But there’s another song in the film called “What It Sounds Like.” When I first heard it, I got unexpectedly emotional. Because the lyrics didn’t just remind me that we’re not alone; they brought up something much deeper. The many ways I’ve silenced my voice throughout my life.

One line goes:

“The worst of what I came from, patterns I’m ashamed of.”

Throughout our lives, we go through experiences that teach us things about ourselves, both good and bad. And there are also things you carry forward with you. Things you don’t want to admit and things you feel ashamed of.

For me, that was getting caught up in unhealthy relationships. Maybe it’s the same for you, or maybe it’s something different. But the same feelings can still show up: pain, sadness, confusion.

When I was in those relationships, I kept trying to fix it. I’d tell myself if I just tried harder, loved better, held on tighter, it would work. And at the same time, there was a part of me that already knew it wouldn’t.

There was a constant battle happening inside me. Part of me wanted to leave. Another part was still trying to hold everything together, still hoping it would change.

And when those relationships finally ended, it wasn’t like everything went back to normal. Those experiences stay with you. They live in your body. And for a long time, I didn’t understand that.

And back then, I didn’t really stop to feel any of it. I was a single mom, and I told myself I didn’t have the time. Maybe part of me wasn’t ready to, and being busy gave me somewhere to put all of it.

I really thought leaving would be the end of it. I’d gotten out, so I told myself I was fine. I’d be ok. But the thing I wasn’t ready to feel was that none of it actually left me. It was still in my body, waiting, whether I looked at it or not.

For a long time, I felt broken. I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’d gone so numb to protect myself that I’d lost contact with my own self. I couldn’t tell what I wanted or what I needed, because I’d spent so long not letting myself feel any of it.

But over time, something shifted. I started seeing the beauty in those broken pieces. Not because what happened was okay. Because of what I learned. I’ve grown so much from those experiences, and I understand myself more deeply now.

Some incredible gifts came from those years too. My three children are the greatest gifts of all. And now my adorable granddaughter too. Without them, I wouldn’t be here writing this today.

This is the lyric that really landed:

“My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like.”

That one line stopped me. Because for much of my life, I’ve dimmed my voice. Not always saying what I was really feeling. Holding back because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to lose anyone. I didn’t want to be judged.

But when I listened to this song, during the scene where the main character finally accepts who she is and is supported by her friends and fans, something powerful stood out.

As a collective energy of strength, all of their voices came together, singing as one: “This is what it sounds like.” And that unity gave them the courage to conquer the demon.

That moment moved me, because she finally showed who she truly was. And it reminded me that our voices matter. That’s what female empowerment really looks like to me. It’s about women speaking their truth. Sharing their stories. Standing with each other.

Because none of us is alone in these experiences. Many of us carry similar stories, similar wounds in different ways. When we share our voices, we remind each other of that truth. We bring light into places that once felt dark.

And sometimes a song can remind you of something you didn’t even realize you needed to hear. Music is beautiful that way. Everyone hears something a little different depending on what they're going through in their own life.

For me, this song is a reminder that my voice has strength. To share my story. To talk about the things that once felt too painful or too shameful to say out loud.

Will I still get scared, nervous, and hesitate before I share anything vulnerable? Of course I will.

But I know there are other women out there who feel the same way. Women who’ve been through similar experiences and are still finding their voice.

And if that’s you, you’re not alone. Let’s be courageous together.

If you haven’t watched KPop Demon Hunters yet, I highly recommend it. Beneath the animation, there’s a powerful message about self-acceptance, self-trust, supporting one another, and the power of our voices when they come together.

This is exactly why I started writing here. If this resonated with you, you're the kind of woman I write for here.

Women who are learning to trust themselves again and choose love from clarity, not survival.

I questioned my instincts and wondered why love felt disappointing, intense, or emotionally exhausting when it was supposed to feel safe.

But over time, I began to see something deeper. The intensity I felt in relationships wasn’t random. There was a reason for it.

The patterns we experience in relationships are rarely shaped by just one thing. There can be so much happening beneath the surface that we don’t yet understand.

And once I began to understand that, everything started to change.

Not because I became someone new.

But because I slowly started coming back to who I truly was.

That’s why I created Soulful Rise.

To help women understand the deeper patterns shaping their relationships so they can return to themselves and choose love from clarity instead of survival.

👉 Begin Breaking the Cycle

Here are a few things I’ve come to believe:

1. Safety is the foundation for everything.
Safety isn’t only about calming the body. It also comes from understanding the wounds and needs underneath our reactions and learning to work with the protective responses that arise.

2. It’s not about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming back to who you’ve always been before life taught you to dim your light, shrink your voice, or abandon parts of yourself to be loved.

3. It’s about choosing love from clarity, not survival.
The goal is to make relationship choices from greater self-awareness, discernment, and connection to yourself rather than automatically being led by fear, old wounds, familiar patterns, or protective responses.

4. When a woman begins to understand herself more deeply, everything begins to change.
Her patterns. Her emotions. Her reactions. Her protective responses. The more she understands what’s happening within her and why, the more self-trust has room to grow.

This space is for women who sense there’s more beneath their relationship patterns than what they can see on the surface.

Women who are ready to understand themselves instead of constantly trying to fix themselves.

Women who want to come back to who they truly are and choose love from a place of clarity, not survival.

If that’s you, I’m so glad you’re here.

💛Misty